Guest Blog- Life's rough points

So.. My sister and I decided to guest blog on each other's blogs. So- as some of you might have deduced from the title of this post, this is NOT Jennifer, but her little sister, Stephanie. For those of you who don't know me, here' s miniature summary of my life. I have a 19 month old son, Killian, who is most definitely that light of my life. He changed me for the better in more ways than I can count. I'm currently in my 4th year in college in the cold (those less cold than Alaska) state of Wisconsin, and have 2 years left. When I graduate in Dec. 2011, I will be a licensed Early Childhood (Pk-6) teacher with an additional license in Math. 

So- here's my guest blog, and I'm sorry for the dreary topic, but it's on life's rough points. And while I don't believe in God, those of you who do will, I'm sure, see an underlying plan.

So I'm currently going through a terrible rough point in my life- my son's father, who has never been in his life, or wanted to up to the point, has now decided he (and his new wife) wants to be a parent. And, at this point, wants 50/50 placement. Seeing as I've raised Killian for 19 months (longer if you include pregnancy), and he is first and foremost the most important thing in my life, the person I want to get up in the morning for, the person I make every decision around, and the person I'm shaping my life and future around, of course- I'm devastated.

The way I've felt this last week has taken me back to the time when I found out I was pregnant. Of course, unplanned and only a sophmore in college, I was devastated. It turned my entire world upside down. I found out about 6 weeks before the end of a semester in school, and I remember walking through that semester in a daze, barely getting through it. There are alot of decisions that go along with pregnancy and deciding to raise a child, and since the father stated he wanted nothing to do with us- it was stressful (to say the least) to do it alone. But, I got through it, and the moment my son was born, I realized that it was the best thing that had EVER happened to me.

I have never been so happy, felt so complete, or content before. But, before I knew my son, before I felt the first kick, I was scared, stressed, and unsure of the future. That's how I feel now. I don't know what the future holds, and all my plans, decisions, and actions that I made in the past, and for the future are being taken away from me by a man who, at the time, I don't feel deserves 50% of the time I cherish with my son. I'm scared, stressed, and unsure of the future.

Now.. for the point of all of this. While some people take comfort in God, and I'm sure will tell me I should turn to God, I have found comfort in friends and family. People are standing behind me that I didn't even know cared as much as they do. And I am thankful for each and every positive, comforting, reassuring word that they give me. I take on alot of stress by myself, and I'm become comfortable with the knowledge that I am capable with dealing with it. However, I found out this week, that losing my son part of the time, is a stress I am NOT capable of dealing with alone. I need others to lean on, and I am so grateful that they are there for me.

And through all of this, I have to have hope. Hope that in time, I will adjust and Killian will be happy. That something good will come out of this- I just have to wait for it. So, if there's anyone out there going through a rough point, be it losing a job, a family member, trouble in your relationship, or, like me, a custody dispute, I hope that you have a support system to lean on. For those of you who are lucky enough to be in life's wonderful moments, remember that sometimes even telling a friend who you're not horribly close to that you're there for them, that they're a strong person and will get through whatever their dealing with, can be weight lifted off of that person's shoulders.

If you want to get to know me better, and read some less-depressing posts by me :) you can visit my post here. Hope everyone has a great weekend!